i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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