this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.