guess who came home with a hottie last night
I bet he comes in French.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY