During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.