If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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