dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
