I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
