and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
