From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
