I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
