Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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