i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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