I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
