she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
