i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i've created a new STD.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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