You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
