hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
