I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
pray to the hookup gods
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
