When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
