hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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