I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
