There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
