well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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