she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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