You were right. It hurts to walk today.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
