dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
