he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
