the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
