I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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