from now on my penis is your penis
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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