I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
