Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
