Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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