i think my mom watched the whole time
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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