Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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