The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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