Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
