ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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