I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
