i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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