I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
