please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
