why didn't you poke me back
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
