If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
