I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
false alarm, still single
Randomize
