i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
