I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
