i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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