Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
