so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
