i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
