my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
