Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
