I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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