but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
