Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
