Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
