Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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