the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
