were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
