remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
