I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have fence marks all over my body
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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