Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
