You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
