if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
