can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
