I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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