Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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